Two white women are sitting across from one another in a lunch room cafeteria talking in subdued tones. Terri is telling Lauren how she feels about Sandra, a new black employee in the retail store where they both work. "I really like Sandra. I don't really think of her as black. She seems almost white."

Commentary to African American Vignette #5

The implication here is that Terri likes Sandra because she seems like a white person. For some whites saying that a black person seems almost white might feel like a compliment. But this implication would likely evoke deep pain and anger in many black people. First of all, it’s actually an insult to be told that someone likes you because the person thinks you’re not like others in your racial group. The message here is that there is something wrong with being black; being white is better.

A second problem is this: sensing the discomfort that whites may have around non-whites, African Americans and people of color in general often feel they have to leave substantial and meaningful parts of themselves at the door when they enter white environments . This is, no doubt, one reason why some people of color are reluctant to join groups which are predominantly white, even when the group welcomes them.

As white people who want to heal the racial gap, we might look inside to see if, on some level, we really would rather have people behave within the norms of white behavior. Being aware of the limits of our comfort zone and experimenting with taking steps beyond it are an important part of this healing journey.

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